The Maze That Is My Love For You

Somehow I still circle back to you

I try to make my exit

but each door leads me to the very same room

stuck in a loop

the maze that is my love for you.

-

And even when I saw an end in sight

a leak of natural light

I pushed to catch it

like a last call for a departing flight

I got so close that the brightness shut my eyes

and still, I opened them up to you.

-

And each time I dragged myself out

I watched my efforts

unwinding slowly enough to stop

the decline

and I could have

but I choose to regress

because, at the bottom, it’s you.

-

And I know now

that you are not the one I built you up to be

I raised you so high

and held up expectations you couldn’t meet

and we did so much wrong that I then couldn’t see

I was looking at you

through eyes serving me.

-

My vision bulked up

and wiped the mirage clean

revealing your bareness before me

stripped of future desires

and the stains of history

just you

as you are

in front of me

or rather a fraction of the person I hope to be.

-

Within this warped but familiar reality

are my hopes for another shot for you and me

I counted the promise of disappointments

and the possibility of days of half happy

and rounded up it all

as a wondrous dream

because it’s real

and it’s true

and in it

I can see you.