heavy breath

turns pools of sweat

into cooled wet

you slide your fingers down my chest

and over my stomach

slowing above my legs

and before I could have said

you position your head

right where

I need

my eyes are shut

but I feel you feed

a tender hunger

delicate and deep

laid down in a full spread

but still you’re bringing me to my knees

and I’ve been holding onto

a hard ass week

so please

please me

tease me

you hear my pleas

and with ease

cease me

and my attempts

to push you away with my feet

I’m nearing me reach

my release,

and I release.

and you drink me up

intoxicate yourself

with my love

hold and lift me up

just to swig back too hard

until you’ve had too much

and now you’re drunk

and looking at what’s coming up

at full I was all that

but now an empty bottle

and not enough.

and it’s like a heart

was carved

in two strokes

deep into the side of my arm

he never meant to harm

but I watched

as the blood rolled

across my skin

and pooled in my palm

until it turned dark

and flaked off in bits of brown

running water removed all

but the scar

I hid it

under jackets and sarcasm

and kak praat and laughs

I almost forgot it

and then boom

here you are

and I’m picking at it

nails digging into

healing tissue

scabs renew

and all I can really do

is hope you

know how to

address this

because my hospital plan

does not cover

love induced wounds.

shine onto me

light me up with your touch

and transform me

from cold concrete

and grey disarray

to soft sand set to preheat

beneath my feet

defrosting

and turning me

to orange and red.

I am trying my best to control the sway
of my emotions
lately each day
has been a back and forth motion
of big swings
and rolling tides
in between big feelings
I don’t know if I’ve swum too far beneath
or if I’m reaching nearer to healing
I feel I’m being self aware
but then overspilling overthinking
and sinking
deeper
into a darkness
I, myself, am creating
and further from the light
I worked so hard to break in
the light that is still taking
so much of my energy
so much of me
and yet, I’m down here
where the light cannot be seen
where I cannot see me
where I cannot believe
where love cannot dream
where hope cannot breathe.

I am trying to stay kind
to myself
be honest
and self-aware
but sometimes my mind
lays in stealth
mode
ready to go
setting up to blow
and I know
that the lows
feed the highs
and I can’t be high
all of the time
even though I really try
to remind
myself
that without darkness
there is no light.

your light spills over me
and fills into me
and melts my harder edges
into glowy, blurry
walls turn to ledges
and it feels like the only thing left to do is leap